So a couple of days ago, Mike and I celebrated our two year wedding anniversary. Two years…I can’t even begin to fathom where the time went. In these last two years we have moved three times (and I don’t plan on moving again for a while!) We have traveled to Venice, Barcelona, Malta, Miami, Bermuda, Boston, Montreal, Philly, and bunch of other places. We have had absolutely wonderful times and we have had some downright shitty times too. And while we have only been married for two years, we have been together for the last nine years and it has been quite the ride.
I hadn’t planned on talking about my marriage but I thought that I could possibly provide some insight for those of you that may be entering into new relationships, or are newlyweds, or maybe just have no clue what’s going on and need a little bit of advice while trying to navigate it through. Not that I am so great at it. Far from it. But I do feel like we have come a long way from where we started so we have got to be making some kind of progress! So here are some of the things I have learned through my relationship, before and during marriage:
1. There is no such things as being right or wrong in an argument.
No really – hear me out. Most of the time, you are going to think you are right (and you probably are of course) but your other half will also think you are most definitely wrong. And you guys will argue, a lot. Like a lot, a lot. About who is wrong, right, and everything in between. Things from 5 years ago that have absolutely nothing to do with the argument will come out, there may be some name calling, and then what? You end up staying mad and upset with each other and things will be tense while you each wait for the other person to apologize. Let’s be honest – life is just too short for that. Do you love each other? Do you really want to be separated from this person? Do they make your life better overall, other than this one stupid argument? If the answers to your questions are Yes, No, and Sure – then just stop the fighting, it’s not worth it. Sometimes it really is just better to agree to disagree and move on from there. And of course, I’m not talking about the big fights. But if you’re fighting over who does the dishes more…just move on. Address the issue, get it out there, but move on. Life is short.
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So I came back to blogging about 10 days ago. It was at a time where I felt like my motivation to do anything really fell at an all time low. Maybe it was just the exhaustion from the move and renovation kicking in. Add work and just life in general into the mix and I just didn’t have the energy to do anything any more.
I don’t remember why, but I opened up my blog posts from a a year and half ago and I started reading and I just thought – I want to be that girl again. I was pushing myself everyday to be better and I had felt so good. Stupidly enough, I let life get in the way and one week off turned to two and so on. It was so easy to fall back into a rut and I am so upset when I think about it now. All that effort and work just wasted.
Part of me thinks I stopped trying to be better because I stopped blogging. It sounds silly, but actually writing down my progress in a such a public way, not only motivated me to keep going, but helped me keep track of myself. My failure before was also focusing too much on the fitness aspect of being healthy. But being healthy is so much more than just working out.
Being healthy to me means finding that balance between work and life. It means not letting the stress from my 9am-5pm job carry over and continue to wear me down at 9pm. It means opening up my fridge and putting together a home cooked meal instead of opening GrubHub or Seamless. It means making the effort to actually go outside and breathe in the fresh air, if only for a couple of minutes to clear my head. It means putting in the effort to be more physically active than I was the day before. It means finding the time to balance being a wife and a friend and a daughter. But most importantly, it means finding time for me to just be me.
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It was a rainy Columbus Day here in New York, but I didn’t mind too much. I actually appreciated having the opportunity to work in the kitchen for a bit this afternoon and get our meals for tomorrow all set and make sure I stick to my goals.
Since I had a few hours to spare and the weather was just calling for it, I decided to go with a Lamb Stew.
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First of all, that piggy bank might have been the best $2 purchase I ever made in Target. But before we get to that…
As I had mentioned previously, Mike and I are facing a new adventure in our life – home ownership. And while it has been just a rush of excitement (and anxiety) we are finally starting to settle down two months after moving in. With the settling, we have also experienced a crashing reality check.
You see, while we purchased a co-op for a lower price than a home so our mortgage is fairly reasonable, our monthly maintenance fees alone come to about $1600. When we now add our mortgage into the picture, that’s $2900 that just flies out of our bank account at the beginning of every month.
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